Adventure (March 28, 2009)

An adventure of a lifetime. One I can say that I will remember for the rest of my life.

It started when my mom was informed that my last remaining “lola” died last march 23, and at first they decided that she and my dad will be the ones who will represent our family in the wake and funeral with our uncle who is based in Baguio. Then all of a sudden my mom called me last Wednesday and asked me if I could go with them, at first I thought I can’t because I’ll be from duty in Saturday, then I was permitted to go home early so that I could attend the wake and funeral.

After the long, hot and tiring travel from Manila to La Union, after the stopovers for food and directions, at around 6:30 in the evening, we arrived at our destination, or so I thought. Only to find out that we still have to walk through rice fields and a stream in which we have to walk through a bridge made out of heavy duty tube pipes in which it wiggles if you walk on it (and I almost lost my balance. What a horrifying moment). And then, our guide told us that on the rice fields that we are on, there are occasional snakes that wander there. Though it was a harrowing experience, I still had a great time although I’m already wasted, tired and somewhat sleepy from the long travel, because me, my mom, my brothers, a cousin and my cousin’s girlfriend just continued to banter and exchange anecdotes for us to not think of anything other than to reach our destination. And after 10 minutes or so, finally we reached our true destination, I was tired, panting and sweating while the children there was just like walking through an ordinary street as though mocking us from the lowlands.

After some introductions, we went inside the house to pay our respects to our lola, and was amazed to find out that she was already 100 years old when she died, only less than 2 months and she would be 101! And I was thinking, would I reach two thirds of her age? Or even half of her age?! At the present state I’m in right now, I doubt it. Then we ate our dinner, and as expected, it was all vegetables, fish and seaweeds, and that’s when it hit me, maybe it’s because of this diet and exercise that made my lola live a century. Unfortunately, my cousin forgot to bring his own beverage, and he is sensitive to un-boiled drinking water so he could not eat with gusto. As for us, we could eat well because we could drink water from there.

Then after all of the bantering and eating, the people started to arrive, a typical Filipino wake is to have gambling to pass the time and to have fun. We also joined in with the fun, we played tong-its just for fun, we are one of the noisiest group around there, we were enjoying the game and time when my mom asked us if we want to take a shower and have a good rest, and I already agreed to it, I feel I was so sticky and that I smell so bad already due to the sweat and fumed around me for the whole day. So we said our farewells to the people there and then we went off. Again passing through the rice fields and the bridge made of tube pipes. Then on to our rides, then off to the place we would be staying for the night. While my brother, cousin and his girlfriend went on their way home to Tarlac then to Manila. We arrived at the house, me and my brother was amazed at the house which we were about to spend the night on, it was huge and beautiful! And to our delight, our room was cozy and has and air-conditioning unit! It was so nice, so after resting for a bit, I took my long-awaited shower, and boy, how was I refreshed! I felt so clean and wonderful! And after drying my hair, I’m so beat that I didn’t realized that I was already asleep by the time I lied down to bed.

And so that was my adventure, though it may boring to some, but for me, it’s one of the things and events I will not forget for a very log time or better yet for the rest of my life.

It Hurts

Do you think its still acceptable and is it still right if i keep on holding on to the person who i feel ignores me? Who i feel is taking me for granted? And is the person who i love more than life itself.. The only person i see myself with until the last breathe i take.. Who i want to grow old with.. The only person who makes me happy, laugh at the most simplest things, who gives my life meaning and who gives me strenght to face my problems..

Right now, i dont know what im going to do.. Im in a crossroads.. Im so confused.. My heart and mind is torned.. My mind tells me to just let go, but my heart tells me to hold on, hold on to dear life until my heart is broken into tiny little pieces..

All i need now is the truth.. To know if he's still mine.. Or if he already has another girl in his life.. Thats all i need to know right now.. So that i know if i have let go and move on with my life without him or to hold on and fight..

Im getting tired.. My heart, mind and body are already tired.. Tired of this uncertainty that is surrounding me right now..

Depressed... Again

Will this ever end? Ang hirap ng ganito.. Para kang tanga, dahil hindi mo alam kung bakit ka nadedepress.. Ok lang sana kung alam mo ang dahilan. pero hindi eh, clueless ka.. Nagiisip ka ng kung ano-ano ng walang basehan, paranoid masyado.. Ang hirap.. Gusto ko na matapos toh :(

Valentine? So What? Hahaha

What's so great about valentines anyway? Why are people ridiculously spend it in a cheesy way? You spend a lot, you brave the traffic jam, you try to get hotel and restaurant accomodations (hotels? or the other kind? :p) whatever may it be, its still ridiculous!! When you can make everyday a valentines day, right? Its not the DAY, its how you spend the DAY with the person or person/s you LOVE :)

Happy... Again..

Its a vicious cycle! One time you are so depressed that you want to end it all.. Then at one moment, you are gloriously happy that nothing matters even a wee bit.. It's just so crazy! And i know that im crazy! Hahaha.. As ive said, im a f*ucking bi-polar, i guesws always am, and always will be.. And at my craziest, someone understood, someone cared, someone loved me.. And that made my life more saner than usual.. :)

Is It Right To Love Someone More Than Your Life?

Is it right to love someone more than your life? Or its just not right? Can we justify that feeling without us being objective in what we personally feel about it?

Come to think of it, we always say those words to someone yet we dont know that gravity of the meaning of that phrase..

The Green Eyed Monster

The green eyed monster strikes back again.. Im so f*ckingly jealous.. I can't seem to stop my tears from falling.. To be honest, im so scared.. Scared of losing Nathan, ano naman ang panama ako sa kalook-a-like ni KC Concepcion! Potah! Hinde ko na alam ang gagawin ko.. Ilang araw ko sya nde nakausap tapos malalaman ko pa na may nagkakagusto sa kanya, hindi lang nagkakagusto, kungdi may balak pang-kumabit kay Nathan, na kahit konti man lang wala akong panama.. Oo, nasasaktan ako dahil sobrang nagseselos ako, masisisi mo ba ako na yun ang iniisip ko? Oo, insecure ako, kase alam ko sa isang iglap lang, pwede niya akong iwan, pwede niya akong ipagpalit sa iba. And just the thought of it makes me die inside..

2009? What's the fuss

I don't know.. When everybody is lighting wireworks and making noise outside their houses.. Im just here inside my room, watching old school movies or downloading movies or listening to music.. I don't even feel a bit excited.. Its just like an ordinary day for me.. Yes a fucking ordinary day..

I don't know what's wrong with me, i've never been like this.. It's like im in a hell hole, in a cell with nothing in sight..

Is this a premonition of something bad? Or just a feeling that will pass in a couple of days.. I hope so..