I don't know.. When everybody is lighting wireworks and making noise outside their houses.. Im just here inside my room, watching old school movies or downloading movies or listening to music.. I don't even feel a bit excited.. Its just like an ordinary day for me.. Yes a fucking ordinary day..
I don't know what's wrong with me, i've never been like this.. It's like im in a hell hole, in a cell with nothing in sight..
Is this a premonition of something bad? Or just a feeling that will pass in a couple of days.. I hope so..
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Monday, December 29, 2008
December 28, 2008 at 3:19 and 11:52 pm
It was a moment of indecisiveness. I was thinking if i would go through it or chicken out again. I mustered my courage and started to punch a message in my cellphone. I was very nervous, i was scared that it would go unnoticed if i send it, in the first place im not in someway connected to the person i would text though if given a chance we would be somewhat connected to each other.
After what it seemed more or less 30 mins, eventhough ive already finished typing my message, i was still having second thoughts if im going to send it or not. Finally, after waiting for another 10 minutes, i couragely punched the send button then i started to pray and hope that it would be replied. In about 2 minutes, i saw my cellphone glow, it was a moment of truth for me. When i saw that there was a message for me, i was a nevous wreck.. Kiana, Nathan's sister and my confidant when it comes to problems with Nathan, replied.. I was so relieved and i was teary eyed, i was so glad and happy that she replied. We talked for a while, the i asked how Nathan was doing, she said that he's ok, but is always drunk, then she asked me if we have a fight or misunderstanding, i was honest to say to her that we indeed have a problem, then we talked about it, then she assured me that everything is going to be fine. I was hoping hat that would be the case.
Then at around 11:52pm, Nathan texted me, i was so happy yet i was also nervous, i don't know what will happen, if we will be ok or its going to be the end. I asked so many questions, and he answered everything i asked him. And when i asked him if i still have his heart and if im still part of his life, he answered YES! When i saw his answer, i was crying from relief and happiness, i know i didn't stand firm with my resolve, but what can i do, i really love him, so much that i can endure all just for us not to part ways.. He is my only love, my world and my life..
After what it seemed more or less 30 mins, eventhough ive already finished typing my message, i was still having second thoughts if im going to send it or not. Finally, after waiting for another 10 minutes, i couragely punched the send button then i started to pray and hope that it would be replied. In about 2 minutes, i saw my cellphone glow, it was a moment of truth for me. When i saw that there was a message for me, i was a nevous wreck.. Kiana, Nathan's sister and my confidant when it comes to problems with Nathan, replied.. I was so relieved and i was teary eyed, i was so glad and happy that she replied. We talked for a while, the i asked how Nathan was doing, she said that he's ok, but is always drunk, then she asked me if we have a fight or misunderstanding, i was honest to say to her that we indeed have a problem, then we talked about it, then she assured me that everything is going to be fine. I was hoping hat that would be the case.
Then at around 11:52pm, Nathan texted me, i was so happy yet i was also nervous, i don't know what will happen, if we will be ok or its going to be the end. I asked so many questions, and he answered everything i asked him. And when i asked him if i still have his heart and if im still part of his life, he answered YES! When i saw his answer, i was crying from relief and happiness, i know i didn't stand firm with my resolve, but what can i do, i really love him, so much that i can endure all just for us not to part ways.. He is my only love, my world and my life..
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