Lies

When was the last time you asked yourself the question, "Are you living a lie?".. Have you ever thought of that question in any instance in your life.. Or have you thought that you are living a lie..

Living a lie is like you have your own world, with you choosing the characters you want in that imaginary world, where you shield out all other things around you.. You hide the things that make you a failure of a person or better yet, you hide all the things that are not acceptable to you and the people around you.. You hide things that would make you feel a loser, a nobody and a disgrace to your family. Its something you don't want others to know so that they won't walk away from you or deny that you were friends.

Its so hard to live a lie, i know, i have been living a lie for quite sometime now. Its so hard trying to act as if nothings wrong with you, yet you know deep in your heart and mind that you are a BIG LIE. There are times when i just want to shout and tell everyone you know everything that is locked up in your heart and mind, its like you're a kettle over a stove, waiting for the water to boil and make a sound for you to be heard and attended to. There was also a time where i have been meaning to tell my hidden secrets, but am just so afraid to tell it to anyone, yeah its really tough when you are hiding something and at the same time you have insecurities and have an inferiority complex, such tragedy isn't it, but thats me, take it or leave it, i may act as though nothings wrong, but very deep inside of me, am a very lonely person hiding in an outgoing persona. And i wouldn't mention all of the lies i have been doing in my life, its enough to mention that am somewhat a fraud in the true sense of the word, but don't get me wrong, am not lying in things that could ruin me. There are some things that are just not worth mentioning.

Just as what one of my favorite song try to tell:
" So i put on my make up put a smile on my face and if anyone ask me everything is okey,
i'm laughing cuz no one knows the joke is on me cuz im dyin inside with my pride and a smile on my
Face...on my face oooh "

Come to think of it, thats what i'm really doing with my life right now, hiding and the feeling of dying. A slow agonizing death, its like every breathe you take, takes the life out of you a little at a time. I really don't know when and how i came about with this kind of life a have right now. I have lost track of time, all i can remember is that i have been like this when i'm in my early 20's (am well about in my mid-20's right now), but still its so strange that i feel that i have been like this for like forever.

I hope i get to straighten out my life starting this school year, i want to get out of this slump i'm in right now, i'm so tired of living a lie. All i want right now is to be free, free from all the lies and burdens am carrying right now, and i know i should be the one to initiate the changes i want in my life, and everything will follow, though there will be no immediate results, i know in time, everything will go according to my plan, slowly but surely..